The Worst Bodyguard Ever

The police and the corporate goons had done their jobs, and my boss, Mr. Arthur had made it through his keynote speech alive, and he was now walking to his car. He was a vain and pompous man who was as hated as he was cheap.  His corporation was worth trillions, but he hired me to protect.  My mama taught me not to ever say bad things about myself, but let me tell you, if I was worried about threats to my life, I wouldn’t even hire myself.

I realized belatedly that he was halfway to his car, and that I probably should be walking with him.  I hurried down the steps of the building to catch up with him.  Halfway down, I lost my balance on a step, someone had spilled a coffee or something on the way in and I happened to step in it.  I managed to cling to the railing to keep from falling down the stairs, but somehow in the process, my gun fell out of its holster, skittered on the stairs, and went off on its own!

I stared with shock at the betrayal of my gun. The gun was loaded?  I had the clip in my pocket.  I had been cleaning it the night before just like that.  But then I remembered what I was doing, and I looked to my charge with worry.  The bullet had narrowly narrowly missed Mr. Arthur, harmlessly going into a car that he was standing next to.  I hurried down and retrieved my gun, carefully peeking my eye into the barrel to make sure that it was empty, then put it back it in my holster and rushed over to catch up with my client. 

“What the hell are you doing, Jamison?”  Mr. Arthur asked angrily once I had reached him.

“Protecting you, sir.”  I replied, wondering if he had some sort of a memory problem.  “Remember, we were just at your speech, now you’re going home?”

“I know that!  Why are you shooting it like a madman?  I could’ve been hit!”

“Oh, don’t worry, I don’t think that would happen to me a second time.”  I replied, scratching behind my ear.

Mr. Arthur glared, his scowl making it clear that he was regretted in everything right about now.  “Just keep an eye out and don’t let anyone else shoot at me today”

“Of course, sir.”  I replied with a smile, and then we started walking back towards his car once again.

No more than fifty feet from the car, I heard the distinctive ting of a coin hitting the concrete.  I stopped and looked down at it, seeing a quarter spinning on the ground.  I frowned in confusing then looked around for the source of the coin.  After a moment, I heard a high-pitched curse, and then a thud of something falling neatly into pile of trash.  I looked up just in time to see someone falling right on top of me, along with a fascinating string of profanity.  The person hit me, and we crashed into the ground together.  Fortunately, the nearby buildings were not that tall, and neither of us seemed to be hurt.

The groan from the person was distinctively feminine.  We’d somehow tangled up in each other’s limbs, but we were face to face.  The word svelte came to mind, but I didn’t know what it meant.  I thought that it probably had something to do with boobs, but I wasn’t in a position to have a look.  Regardless, she was beautiful, and I found myself lost in her green eyes as she stared back into my own.

She smiled down at me, which made my knees tremble, although that could have also been from serving as a cushioning mat.  “Hi, I’m Mina, I think that I just fell for you.”

I smiled and tried to respond, but I found myself breathless.  It must have been what love at first sight is supposed to feel like, but it was also possible that I had taken a knee to the abdomen.  At this moment, it was very hard to tell.  “Tom,” Ii finally managed to croak out at her.

She smiled back down at me, then began working on untangling herself from me.  “Hey, do you want to get a drink?  Dinner?  Strippers?  I don’t really care what, as long as it’s with you.”

I’d like that a lot.  My mom always said that strip clubs made the best first date.”  I replied, although she seemed to completely miss that it was a joke.

“Sure!  I’d love that!  I just need to make a phone call first.”  She said with a smile.  We were sitting on the sidewalk at this point, and I glanced sidelong at Mr. Arthur, noticing that he had already gotten into his car.  That was a good thing, it was bulletproof. 

“I’d like that a lot,” I replied.  I watched her, waiting for a response as she pulled out her phone and selected one of her contacts to call.  She then glanced down the road towards where Mr. Arthur was and smiled as she dialed it.  I made a mental note that she probably liked Indian food because the number she called was an abbreviated name of one of its cities.

Suddenly, there was an explosion in the street!  I looked with worry at my boss, but the explosion was on the other side of the street from his car.  Apparently, Mr. Arthur was in a hurry, because he decided to drive off at that moment.  I frowned at my lost client, but then smiled about Mina sitting next to me.  She was frowning too.  Apparently, whoever she was calling had declined to answer, so she put away her phone and beamed at me, and we just stared at each other like love-struck teenagers for what I would have been happy to have be an eternity. 

“Would you like to get some Indian food?”  I asked her, breaking the silence.

She shook her head.  “Can’t stand Indian.  Italian works, though.”   I was worried for a moment, but then she took my head, and all my worries disappeared.  Together, we walked off while sirens approached nearby, but I found myself uninterested in anything but this svelte woman next to me.  I wasn’t sure what svelte meant, but it sounded as pretty as she looked.

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